It’s hard to know where to start with this post. We’re so used to saying that men are toxic (which a lot of them are) but there are plenty of women out there who are just as problematic. They’re not only damaging others with their behavior, but most importantly, they are hurting and hindering themselves. My inspiration for writing this post? I recently lost a friend as I realized that I was fueling her madness and had to stop. The mad women in these examples are based on real people. A note to you guys – I hope you’re reading it and recognizing the need for change so that you can lead a happier life. Small steps change your relationship with yourself, others and your outlook on life.
Have a read of my last relationship post HERE.
There are plenty of women out there who feel that they have been hard done by in relationships. It’s perfectly valid to feel this way and hold someone accountable for their actions and let them now how they’ve made you feel. Where it starts to go sideways – and something I’m very guilty of enabling – is when women don’t learn from their own mistakes they have made, because us as friends, sisters, cousins and mothers have told them they are 100% in the right and it’s all the guys fault. We agree with their stories, we jeer them on, we help them become aggressive wordsmiths through texts, we talk crap about their ex as if we weren’t all friendly just 4 days ago. Now they’re out here believing all men are shit, because history is repeating itself in their next relationship as nothing has changed on their part. How does one become better if they’re always told that they are great? If you’re unable to remain impartial, calm and recognize their mistakes and wrong doings too, you’re a shit friend. And she’s a shit partner too.
The women who want “closure” but really want to witness a breakdown served with a side of deep regret. They will continue to talk or even argue with their ex to “try and get to the bottom of things”, but this is a disguise for what they really want – him breaking down, telling you how sorry he is, how much he regrets it, how he’ll never find someone who was as good to him as you were, how they wish they could take it back… Piss off and grow up. You got to your breaking point and broke up for a reason. What good does an apology do now? What does it change? What weight does it hold after all that’s happened? It’s to stroke your ego that’s what. To reinforce that voice in your head telling you that you were great and he was the problem. If you truly believe this and know in your heart it’s true, don’t be that girl that needs someone to tell you, because it will probably be a lie, said only for your benefit. There are plenty of women as wonderful (or as stupid) as you in this world hun, I’m sure he will be fine. Move on, get better and come to the understanding that requiring someone to breakdown in order for you to feel better isn’t closure nor growth.
Are there any other self damaging behaviors I’ve missed out?
XOXO Christmas Elle