5 Bedroom Horrors We’ve All Experienced

Here are 5 bedroom horrors that I’m pretty sure ALL of you will be able to relate to. Let’s start with one of the milder ones…

1. Ladies… When you’re on top and your man just gets a mouthful of hair. I’m sure that he wants to look up at that beautifully scrunched up face of yours that shows just how much you’re loving it. However, instead, he’s slowly being smothered by a jungle of hair (I heard that this is how the ponytail was invented).

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2. Guys… When you try choking her but end up almost killing her instead. I’m sure she thought it was a good idea when she initially moaned “harder”, but then later regretted it when she could barely catch her breath and realised how strong you are.

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3. When the house isn’t as empty as you thought. Need I say any more? That really is the walk of shame, down the stairs past the whole fam who has heard you scream their child’s name in 5 different octaves.

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4. When your beard scratches his beard. You haven’t shaved for 4 days and neither has he and instead of a beautiful euphoric experience, it’s Brillo pad city down there.

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5. The cock breaker. So she’s on top giving it all that in reverse cow girl and then BAM! It slips out and before you have time to withdraw that thrust, your cock is bending it like Beckham. That’s it. Night ruined. Is it broken? Do you need to go to the hospital? Will you ever be able to fuck again?

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@ellemacuk

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